http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/-t1.htm Heard any good jokes lately? Share them here. Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:58:47 GMT 10 http://papertreasures.net/fpdb/images/Theme0/ptblogheader.jpg http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/-t1.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-fart-in-bed-t1016.htm missysue IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FROM LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING ... Joke of the Day Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:58:47 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-fart-in-bed-t1016.htm#3817 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-fart-in-bed-t1016.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/too-funny-t1012.htm missysue A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. > > The husband checked into the hotel and, unlike years ago, there was a > computer ... Joke of the Day Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:54:02 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/too-funny-t1012.htm#3807 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/too-funny-t1012.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dirty-joke-t1001.htm missysue A little boy fell in the mud!!! Joke of the Day Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:29:09 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dirty-joke-t1001.htm#3753 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dirty-joke-t1001.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/make-me-feel-like-a-woman-t993.htm missysue MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN..... On a transatlantic flight, A plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then she yells, 'Well, if I'm going to die, I want my ... Joke of the Day Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:42:45 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/make-me-feel-like-a-woman-t993.htm#3733 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/make-me-feel-like-a-woman-t993.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/quote-of-the-day-t986.htm missysue "Whatever you give a woman, she will multiply it. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit." Joke of the Day Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:48:27 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/quote-of-the-day-t986.htm#3714 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/quote-of-the-day-t986.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dictionary-for-women-t968.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Dictionary for women Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner." Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand ... Joke of the Day Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:47:21 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dictionary-for-women-t968.htm#3625 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dictionary-for-women-t968.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reason-s-why-it-s-great-to-be-a-woman-t967.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Reason's why it's great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What's that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling. You can sleep your way to the top. You can sue the President for sexual harassment. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas you ... Joke of the Day Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:40:31 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reason-s-why-it-s-great-to-be-a-woman-t967.htm#3624 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reason-s-why-it-s-great-to-be-a-woman-t967.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/the-lie-detector-t921.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John. 'Several ... Joke of the Day Fri, 09 May 2008 04:50:50 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/the-lie-detector-t921.htm#3459 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/the-lie-detector-t921.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/what-i-ve-learned-from-television-t915.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Know because of TV Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV 1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. 2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. 4. All grocery shopping ... Joke of the Day Thu, 01 May 2008 18:09:28 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/what-i-ve-learned-from-television-t915.htm#3447 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/what-i-ve-learned-from-television-t915.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-must-increase-my-bust-t914.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this ... Joke of the Day Thu, 01 May 2008 18:08:24 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-must-increase-my-bust-t914.htm#3446 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-must-increase-my-bust-t914.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-suffer-from-a-definition-t903.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year. ]]> Joke of the Day Sun, 20 Apr 2008 04:58:32 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-suffer-from-a-definition-t903.htm#3428 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/i-suffer-from-a-definition-t903.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-small-joke-t899.htm missysue Of all the luck, I rear-ended a car this morning. We both pull over to the side of the road. So I get out of my car to check the damage ...and slowly the other driver gets out of his car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and even a bad situation seems to get funny? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... The Guy was a DWARF! No kidding-- an honest-to-goodness midget! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I look down at ... Joke of the Day Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:29:34 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-small-joke-t899.htm#3422 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-small-joke-t899.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t879.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Can you imagine working at this outfit. It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses 3 have been arrested for assault 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 are current defendants ... Joke of the Day Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:49:14 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t879.htm#3349 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t879.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t878.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Can you imagine working at this outfit. It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses 3 have been arrested for assault 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 are current defendants ... Joke of the Day Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:48:58 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t878.htm#3348 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/who-are-the-biggest-fools-of-them-all-t878.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/draining-a-beer-truck-t877.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U

Over 100 people showed up at the site where the accident was supposed to have occurred to help drain it.






**** MY DH WOULD BE THERE W/A STEIN IN EACH HAND ****]]> Joke of the Day Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:46:21 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/draining-a-beer-truck-t877.htm#3347 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/draining-a-beer-truck-t877.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/hold-up-your-credit-cards-t876.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Back in the days of the Mattel Cabbage Patch Kid craze it was usually very hard to get one for the kiddies. A radio station (I don't know where) announced that Mattel was going to get Cabbage Patch Kids out to the people of this particular city. The plan was that they had to go to the football field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and the dolls would be dropped onto the field. People were supposed to hold their credit cards up so that a photographer ... Joke of the Day Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:43:12 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/hold-up-your-credit-cards-t876.htm#3346 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/hold-up-your-credit-cards-t876.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/idiots-on-the-computer-t869.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out ... Joke of the Day Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:36:42 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/idiots-on-the-computer-t869.htm#3338 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/idiots-on-the-computer-t869.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-church-bloopers-t866.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real Church Bloopers... ? Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. ? Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. ? Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. ? For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ? Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study. ? This being Easter ... Joke of the Day Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:48:32 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-church-bloopers-t866.htm#3328 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-church-bloopers-t866.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/boarding-from-what-gate-t843.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Boarding from what gate? At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on ... Joke of the Day Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:25:21 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/boarding-from-what-gate-t843.htm#3235 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/boarding-from-what-gate-t843.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-know-where-you-were-going-t842.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving. Joke of the Day Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:18:24 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-know-where-you-were-going-t842.htm#3234 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/do-you-know-where-you-were-going-t842.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-toddler-s-tea-party-t833.htm missysue A Toddler's Tea Party!! One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in ... Joke of the Day Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:23:52 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-toddler-s-tea-party-t833.htm#3210 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-toddler-s-tea-party-t833.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-6-t814.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 6 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Get rid of aunts: ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:45:09 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-6-t814.htm#3152 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-6-t814.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-5-t813.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 5 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. Mixing ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:40:18 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-5-t813.htm#3151 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-5-t813.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-3-t812.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 3 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. We build bodies that last a lifetime. ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:37:20 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-3-t812.htm#3150 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-3-t812.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-4-t811.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 4 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:35:23 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-4-t811.htm#3149 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-4-t811.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-1-t810.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 1 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:23:06 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-1-t810.htm#3148 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-1-t810.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-2-t809.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Real advertisements - Round 2 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything ... Joke of the Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:17:43 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-2-t809.htm#3147 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/real-advertisements-round-2-t809.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/teachers-cops-the-things-they-say-t807.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York city public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, they are funny! 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5.Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. The student ... Joke of the Day Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:39:41 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/teachers-cops-the-things-they-say-t807.htm#3143 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/teachers-cops-the-things-they-say-t807.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/signs-and-notices-t805.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Signs and notices These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world. Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12" A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow." Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral ... Joke of the Day Sun, 20 Jan 2008 03:10:07 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/signs-and-notices-t805.htm#3136 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/signs-and-notices-t805.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-illinois-t783.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Illinois Crazy Law You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. Chicago, IL It is illegal to give a dog whiskey. In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of ... Joke of the Day Sun, 30 Dec 2007 03:45:23 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-illinois-t783.htm#3053 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-illinois-t783.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-florida-t782.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Florida Crazy Law Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com! You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee ... Joke of the Day Sun, 30 Dec 2007 03:33:13 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-florida-t782.htm#3052 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-florida-t782.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/defense-system-at-work-t781.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. ... Joke of the Day Sun, 30 Dec 2007 03:27:17 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/defense-system-at-work-t781.htm#3051 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/defense-system-at-work-t781.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-texas-t780.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Texas Crazy Law It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com! It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace ... Joke of the Day Sun, 30 Dec 2007 03:23:29 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-texas-t780.htm#3050 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/crazy-laws-texas-t780.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/onions-christmas-trees-t777.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'. 'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.' Th is infuriated his wife and daughter ... Joke of the Day Fri, 28 Dec 2007 17:56:25 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/onions-christmas-trees-t777.htm#3038 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/onions-christmas-trees-t777.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-parent-s-night-before-christmas-t768.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U A parent's night before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse. Instructions were studied and we were inspired, In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required." The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, While Dad and I faced the evening with dread: A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot! And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot! We opened the boxes, my heart skipped ... Joke of the Day Fri, 21 Dec 2007 15:13:08 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-parent-s-night-before-christmas-t768.htm#3013 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-parent-s-night-before-christmas-t768.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twenty-ways-to-confuse-santa-clause-t767.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Twenty ways to confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. 4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them ... Joke of the Day Fri, 21 Dec 2007 15:06:41 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twenty-ways-to-confuse-santa-clause-t767.htm#3012 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twenty-ways-to-confuse-santa-clause-t767.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/humorous-bumper-stickers-and-a-lot-of-em-t761.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Humorous Bumper stickers Where there's a will...I want to be on it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else. ... Joke of the Day Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:55:50 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/humorous-bumper-stickers-and-a-lot-of-em-t761.htm#3005 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/humorous-bumper-stickers-and-a-lot-of-em-t761.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reindeer-jokes-t754.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A pony sleigh station! What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? "Horn"-aments! Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party? Because he didn't want to be recognised! How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air? You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer! What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail? She'd go to a "re-tail" shop for a new one! Why is Prancer always wet? ... Joke of the Day Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:16:30 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reindeer-jokes-t754.htm#2992 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/reindeer-jokes-t754.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/christmas-giggles-t753.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve ! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve ! What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ? The letter "D" ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? Santa Claustrophobia ! What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail ! Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ... Joke of the Day Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:08:09 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/christmas-giggles-t753.htm#2991 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/christmas-giggles-t753.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/when-you-have-an-i-hate-my-job-day-try-this-t750.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing, make yourself a cocktail and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. ... Joke of the Day Wed, 12 Dec 2007 02:37:40 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/when-you-have-an-i-hate-my-job-day-try-this-t750.htm#2983 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/when-you-have-an-i-hate-my-job-day-try-this-t750.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dept-store-santa-pet-peeves-t745.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Department Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin. 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it. 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from "Crime Watch" 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids a swig from your hip flask 4. Enduring the taunts of your old buddies from Drama School 3. Those dorks in the Power Rangers costumes get all the babes 2. Kids ... Joke of the Day Sat, 08 Dec 2007 15:19:57 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dept-store-santa-pet-peeves-t745.htm#2961 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dept-store-santa-pet-peeves-t745.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/ten-worst-gifts-to-buy-a-woman-t744.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Ten worst gifts to buy a woman (some of you might want to print this out! LOL) 1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least ... Joke of the Day Sat, 08 Dec 2007 15:15:19 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/ten-worst-gifts-to-buy-a-woman-t744.htm#2960 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/ten-worst-gifts-to-buy-a-woman-t744.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twas-the-night-after-christmas-t732.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U 'Twas the Night After Christmas 'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried. When out in the yard the dog started barkin', I stood up and ... Joke of the Day Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:21:28 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twas-the-night-after-christmas-t732.htm#2935 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/twas-the-night-after-christmas-t732.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/holiday-qa-t733.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: "I don't like sprouts" ! Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho. Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll. ... Joke of the Day Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:27:01 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/holiday-qa-t733.htm#2936 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/holiday-qa-t733.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/you-might-be-a-redneck-if-t711.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U you might be a redneck if your husband used a tampon to plug the bathroom sink. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You and your dog use the same tree. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending upon how much gas it has in it. Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit. ... Joke of the Day Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:59:32 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/you-might-be-a-redneck-if-t711.htm#2854 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/you-might-be-a-redneck-if-t711.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/10-signs-you-are-too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating-t664.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U 10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balanceand fall over. 6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. ... Joke of the Day Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:12:04 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/10-signs-you-are-too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating-t664.htm#2694 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/10-signs-you-are-too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating-t664.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-gaggle-of-halloween-giggle-t651.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? It had no guts... How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray... What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend? Ouch... How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope... What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck... Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately... ... Joke of the Day Tue, 16 Oct 2007 14:13:22 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-gaggle-of-halloween-giggle-t651.htm#2648 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/a-gaggle-of-halloween-giggle-t651.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dangling-from-a-rope-t592.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U 11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men ... Joke of the Day Thu, 11 Oct 2007 13:38:37 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dangling-from-a-rope-t592.htm#2357 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/dangling-from-a-rope-t592.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/that-darn-dog-t578.htm Scrappy Doo 2 U A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received ... Joke of the Day Sat, 06 Oct 2007 03:12:18 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/that-darn-dog-t578.htm#2304 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/that-darn-dog-t578.htm http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/halloween-terms-t563.htm Donna D ~~~Halloween Terms~~~ Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running. Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose. Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat. Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer. Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge. Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for Halloween. Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to ... Joke of the Day Thu, 27 Sep 2007 20:16:41 GMT http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/halloween-terms-t563.htm#2229 http://papertreasures.editboard.com/joke-of-the-day-f8/halloween-terms-t563.htm